Hello, my friend,
I write to you today with a heavy heart. My beloved, dear, dear Uncle Ronnie went home to be with the Lord last Thursday, and so the last few days have been defined by countless come-and-go teary-eyed moments, breathtaking sobs, and long still stretches of heartbroken silence that every soul in the world knows, or one day will.
I first felt this way when my father died in 2009, then again after each pregnancy loss, and then after my other uncle’s death 18 months ago.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much loss one has experienced; each time it happens, the pain is always as close to unbearable as it can possibly be. And each time it happens, the more I long for heaven, where death is just a faded, worn-out, unwelcome memory, and the world is filled with the brightness of incorruptible beings, perfected by the soul-renewing, sin-crushing victory of Jesus Christ.
Just last night, I read the following excerpt from Anne’s House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery, who experienced the tragedy of a stillbirth in 1914. In the novel, Anne has just delivered a stillborn baby girl named Joy:
“‘It doesn’t seem FAIR,’ said Anne rebelliously. ‘Babies are born and live where they are not wanted – where they will be neglected – where they will have no chance. I would have loved my baby so – and cared for it tenderly – and tried to give her every chance for good. And yet I wasn’t allowed to keep her.’
“‘It was God’s will, Anne,’ said Marilla, helpless before the riddle of the universe – the WHY of undeserved pain. ‘And little Joy is better off.’
“‘I can’t believe THAT,” cried Anne bitterly. Then seeing that Marilla looked shocked, she added passionately, ‘Why should she be born at all – why should any one be born at all – if she’s better off dead? I DON’T believe it is better for a child to die at birth than to live its life out – and love and be loved – and enjoy and suffer – and do its work – and develop a character that would give it a personality in eternity. And how do you know it was God’s will? Perhaps it was just a thwarting of His purpose by the Power of Evil. We can’t be expected to be resigned to THAT.’
“‘Oh, Anne, don’t talk so,’ said Marilla, genuinely alarmed lest Anne were drifting into deep and dangerous waters. ‘We can’t understand – but we must have faith – we MUST believe that all is for the best. I know you find it hard to think so, just now. But try to be brave …’”
Have you ever drifted into “deep and dangerous waters”?
Have you ever felt “helpless before the riddle of the universe – the WHY of undeserved pain”?
I know I have. But I stand by Marilla’s words that we must have faith and must try to be brave.
There is hope, but we must cling to it.
There is a promise of deliverance, but we must believe the Lord will keep it.
There is strength, but we must reach heavenward to receive it.
There is wisdom, but we must humbly ask for it.
There is comfort, but we must quiet our souls to obtain it.
There are questions, and we must trust that the Lord’s answers will be given in good time.
It is okay to ask questions, as Anne and I did, and as I’m certain L.M. Montgomery did after her own devastating loss. It’s okay to be angry about the curses that sin ushered into this world, curses like disease, poverty, war, famine, draughts, natural disasters…like innocent lives being taken.
When such questions and strong emotions become sinful is when we slander God’s character, His goodness, holiness, and sovereignty.
I’m reminded of Job 38, in which God speaks to Job from a whirlwind, talking mightily of His omnipotence:
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements? Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? To what were its foundations fastened? Or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”
The Lord continues in chapter 40:
“Would you condemn Me that you may be justified? … Who has preceded Me, that I should pay him? Everything under heaven is Mine.”
Job replies in Job 42:2, “I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.”
We human beings are proud, sin-bound creatures (thanks, Adam and Eve…), and so it’s hard, very hard, for us to accept this simple truth that God doesn’t answer to us. He is the Creator, the Potter, the Lord of all. But even so, He knows how we grieve and bleed and wrestle with the many foes and blows of this life, and He is faithful to provide all that we need to endure and overcome.
“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
I don’t know what you’re going through right now, but I do know that hard times are never far from any of us. But neither is God. Let’s never forget that.
Please keep my family and me in your prayers as we grieve my wonderful, God-fearing uncle. I am praying for you, too.
Thank you, as always, for your support of my writing!